I Wish It Was You
by Extremely-good-finder
Summary: Merthur - This is my first ever fanfic, it's based on what should have happened in Series 4 episode 9, or The one where Arthur proposes to Gwen. Anyway, I don't expect ANYONE to read this so if you do please review,so i know that i should continue!
1. Chapter 1: I'm Going to Marry Gwenivere

"I'm going to marry Gwenivere."

Merlin froze. The plate in his hand clattered to the floor and he muttered an apology. His head was whirling, spinning, a haze of pain and countless other emotions drowning out Arthurs loving speech. He should have known, should have guessed that this was going to happen. He heard Arthur say something in a humorous tone, and forced himself to laugh, hoping it was convincing. But soon Arthur was talking again, with that look on his face, full of happiness and love, the look he only seemed to get when talking about Gwen. The look Merlin would do anything to receive.

Arthur walked out of the room, probably to plan the wedding, merlin thought dryly. He faked a smile when Arthur seemed to look at him, then let his face fall back into misery. Of course Arthur was going to marry Gwen, it wasn't as though he could ever want to marry Merlin. "Stupid, stupid, stupid", thought merlin. How did I become so stupid to think that he could actually like me? He followed Arthur out of the room, escaping from Agravaine's curious stare. Once he reached an abandoned corridor, it all became too much. He sat on the floor and began to sob.

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><p>Arthur walked down the corridor, deep in thought. Considering the conversation he had just had, he knew he should have been thinking about Gwen, or Agravaine, but he wasn't. His head, as usual, was full of thoughts about Merlin, his stupid, clumsy manservant, and his reaction to the news of the wedding. He seemed fine, thought Arthur sighing, happy even. Suddenly, Arthur heard a sob. Turning the corridor, he saw merlin sitting on the floor, tears streaming down his face. Arthur fought the overwhelming urge to run and comfort him, instead speaking softly.<p>

"Merlin?"

The raven haired boy turned, and swore loudly. Soon he was running in the opposite direction to where Arthur was standing. Arthur had no idea what was going on, but there was no way in hell he was letting Merlin get away from him without talking to him. He ran after Merlin, shouting his name. He reached Gaius' door just as it slammed in his face.

"Merlin let me in!" he shouted, punching the door with his fist in frustration.

The door opened to the worried and confused face of Gaius.

"Would you care to explain what is going on sire?"


	2. Chapter 2: Gaius keeping Merlin's Secret

**Author Note: Okay thanks for the reviews guys, and in response to narnia365, to be honest, I'm not entirely sure where I am going with it! But I do sort of feel like the summary was rubbish so.. basically this is how I think the episode should have happened, I'm not sure how long it will be, and even though I know these chapters are quite short, i like that and i definately won't update THIS quickly once I go back to school, but I will try my best to keep up! Oh and one final thing, if any of you are interested, my tumblr name is the same as my author name, so extremely-good-finder, you can talk to me on there too! xx**

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><p>Merlin ran straight past Gaius, and into his room, slamming the door behind him. Ignoring Gaius' worried call, he began moving anything incriminating underneath his bed, thinking that Arthur would find his way in eventually. He forced a cupboard up against the door, his eyes glowing gold. Then he took the blanket off the bed and sat in a corner, shivering from the shock. Thinking. The main thought in his head being "Shit. Shit. Shit."<p>

Arthur didn't know what to say. Gaius had that look on his face, he knew there was trouble and he wouldn't stop until he knew about it.

"Sire?"

It was less of a question, and more of a demand. Arthur gulped.

"Merlin.. seems a little upset…"

"And why exactly, may I ask?"

"I.. I don't know…"

"Right."

They both knew Arthur was lying.

There was an awkward pause.

Gaius sighed angrily.

"Well am I going to have to wheedle it out of you? What on earth is going on?"

"I'm not sure.. I.. I'm.. getting married, to Gwen…ivere"

Gwenivere, thought . That sounded like they weren't just friends. He should definitely stop calling her Gwen.

"Ah."

A flurry of emotions seemed to pass through Gaius' face; he looked shocked, upset and very worried. Suddenly Gaius' face went blank, as though a shield went up, and he didn't want to show what he was thinking.

"I" he coughed forcedly "I have no idea why this would upset Merlin. I think you should leave now sire."

I'm not leaving until I find out whats wrong!"

Gaius was walkling towards Arthur now, looking surprisingly threatening for a man of his age, talking to his monarch. Arthur began to edge backwards, until he found himself in the corridor again.

"I think you already know, sire."

And with that, the door closed in his face.


	3. Chapter 3: Restless Descisions

**Authors note: New Years present for you guys :) Okay this chapter is slightly longer, yay! Sorry about all the suspense in this, it is a bit angsty, but Merthur will happen soon. And also, sorry if Gaius seems a bit OOC, I have a soft spot for Merthurshipper!Gaius so I had to include it, plus I thought Merlin needed someone to talk to.**

"Merlin."

Merlin just looked at the locked bedroom door, while Gaius stood patiently outside.

"Merlin, Arthur's gone now."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief. He unlocked the door magically, not moving from his position in the corner. Gaius walked in calmly.

"Hello Merlin."

"Hello Gaius."

And Merlin burst into tears again.

Gaius sat on the bed, listening patiently while Merlin wailed and cursed, blamed his feelings, cried out about how it wasn't fair to be gay AND magic, said how much of an outcast he felt, and how perfect Arthur is, until Gaius finally spoke.

"Just tell him."

Merlin stopped mid-wail.

"Really?"

"Yes. I think you'd rather like his reply. Although how Camelot will cope with Arthur being gay, I'm not sure, but I've known for years so I'm sure people will get over it. "

"What? But.. but Arthur's ..not.. And even if he was.. like.. me.. no way.."

"Merlin. Get some sleep. you'll probably have a big day tomorrow. "

Gaius smiled, and walked out of the room.

Merlin did as he was told, putting the blanket back onto the bed and crawling into it. But his head was buzzing, he wouldn't get any sleep tonight.

Arthur couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, but all he could do was think about the raven-haired man on the other side of the castle. Questions danced through his head, wanting to be answered.

What had been wrong with him?

Was it the whole Gwen thing?

But why would that bother Merlin?

And what did Gaius mean?

Did Merlin… feel that way.. towards him?

No... Dream on mate, Arthur thought sadly. But something was wrong.

What if someone has hurt him, been cruel in some way?

Arthur felt his heart pound as he pictured Merlin's face again, covered in tears, those beautiful blue eyes full of sadness.

His fists clenched by his sides uncontrollably. He sighed.

He would just have to try to talk to Merlin again tomorrow. He couldn't hide away forever.

Arthur rolled over, and tried to get some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4: Gwen's Rant

**Authors Note: Okay I am so sorry it took me so long to update, i had a broken leg.. and school work, but you will get the next chapter faster than this I promise. I'm also working on a Glee/Merlin crossover idea, which i may put up some time in the near future. Oh and finally, do feel free to talk to me on tumblr, my name is the same as my author, extremely-good-finder. **

Apparently Merlin COULD hide away forever. Arthur woke to the sound of Gwen bringing in his breakfast.

"Morning Sire"

Morning Gwen..ivere"

Gwen came over, carrying his clothes for the day. Arthur sighed as she kissed his forehead. Why couldn't he just feel that way towards her? Then everything would be so simple.

He heard a cough behind him.

Merlin was standing there, face cold and unmoving.

"Erm... I'll come back later."

"Merlin!" Arthur shouted.

But he had already gone.

Seeing Arthurs hurt and frustrated face, Gwen stood up, and walked out, calling, "Merlin?"

Merlin walked back down the corridor, breaking down into tears again. God, he was stupid. How was he going to cope when Arthur and Gwen were actually married?

"Merlin."

Merlin turned to see Gwen standing there, confusion and worry etched all over her face.

"Merlin, what's going on?" Her voice was quiet, but insistent.

"I..I… I don't know what you're talking about." He managed to stammer out, avoiding eye contact.

"Merlin. I can tell when you're lying to me. You AND Arthur have been acting really weirdly and I want to know what is happening. "

"I.. I can't tell you."

"Did you finally tell Arthur you love him or something? Merlin? Is that what happened?"

"WHAT? GWEN I.. WHAT.. YOU.. I..YOU… KNOW?"

Merlin looked at her with wide eyes. She coughed, a laugh threatening to erupt out of her mouth. He realised what he had said.

"I mean erm… told Arthur what?"

"Merlin. I know. "

But.. you and Arthur, you love him and"

"Merlin, shut up and listen to me. Yes I love him. As a friend. And I am totally happy to help him figure out whatever self-denial sexuality crisis he is going through. But I know you and him will end up together. EVENTUALLY. Once you stop being so stupid and finally tell him how you feel, let me know."

Gwen walked away.

Merlin sighed. He slid down the wall and sat on the floor. He seemed to be doing a lot of that these days.

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><p>"Gwen."<p>

Merlin pouted as he realised Gwen was ignoring him.

"Gwen."

She turned away from him and continued folding the sheet in her hands.

"GWEN!" He shouted exasperatedly.

"Yes Merlin? "She replied smoothly.

"Can I talk to you?"

Gwen hid her smile and replied

"Of course."

**A/N : Forgot to say, this whole fic is unbeta-d, so if you find any mistakes, let me know. **


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